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I believe snacks should be dramatic. Like, unapologetically extra — especially when they’re cheesy and involve butter. Also: if America is currently rediscovering comfort food (are we?), then let these little ring-of-fire carbs be a cultural service.

Who am I? Stefanie. I will fight you for the last rollup. Also I will apologize immediately after. This recipe? Cheesy Garlic Butter Rollups. Pretty simple. Totally mine. And yes, they will ruin your takeout habit in the most aggressive way.

The time I almost set my oven on fire (and other culinary crimes)

I remember the first time I made these and it was a tragedy of epic proportions — like, the smoke alarm sang Beyoncé. I rolled the dough too tight (who knew dough could scream?) and the center stayed gummy while the edges became a sunburnt hockey puck. The smell? A panicked mix of butter, burnt flour, and regret. There was a weird squeak when I bit one (not good). My dog judged me by sitting very still and not accepting scraps. I tried again the next week, used more butter because obviously, and then my kitchen sounded like a tiny brass band because the cheese dripped, bubbled, and popped. It was embarrassing. I told three neighbors. Then four. Didn’t learn my lesson. (I keep telling myself you can’t fail at comfort food but you can.)

Why this slightly smug, finally-working version actually works

Okay, so I changed two things and then felt like a wizard. I stopped overfilling — less is more, who knew — and I actually prepped like a normal person instead of improvising with a spoon in one hand and my phone in the other. Emotionally I quit trying to impress; practically I let the dough rest a minute and used melted garlic butter to glue everything together. The result: a rollup that’s melty but not a cheese volcano and golden without feeling like charcoal. Also, I tried to pair them with a heavier dinner once (you know, to be adult) and grabbed a recipe for cheesy beef and bowtie pasta in garlic butter and suddenly everything made sense — carbs for carbs, because logic. I’m confident but also quietly prepared to be dramatic about them again next week.

Ingredients (this is the short part, because you’ll hoard cheese regardless)

1 package of pizza dough
1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
4 tablespoons garlic butter, melted
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
Salt and pepper to taste

Probably buy extra mozzarella even though you’ll pretend you didn’t. Budget tip: pre-shredded is convenient but fresher shredded cheese melts nicer (there, I said it). If you’re out of Parmesan, Pecorino is dramatic and will make your in-laws swoon.

Cooking Unit Converter

If you hate math or have been personally victimized by recipes that use weird units, this little tool is for you.

How to make them (yes, I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget again)

Preheat your oven to 400°F (200°C).
Roll out the pizza dough on a floured surface.
Brush the dough with melted garlic butter.
Sprinkle mozzarella and Parmesan evenly over the dough.
Add Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper to taste.
Roll the dough tightly into a log and slice into bite-sized pieces.
Place the rollups on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
Bake for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown and cheese is bubbling.
Serve warm and enjoy!

Non-linear explanation: don’t be precious about the thickness — but also don’t make miniature blintzes unless you like extra bake time. If your dough fights you (it will), let it rest 5 minutes and then roll like you mean it. TIP: brushing the tops with a touch more garlic butter right as they come out = professional. Also, don’t stare at the oven the entire time (but I do).

Do you also flail in the kitchen or is it just me?

Tell me you’ve hidden a baking sheet because you didn’t want witnesses to your first try. Do you eat warm dough like it’s an emotional support carbohydrate? Have you ever served these at a party and watched people fight over the center one? I assume yes. If you want to go full dinner energy, pair them with something bright and flaky — like that lemon thing I made last month, the lemon garlic butter cod — because sauce + tender fish = chef vibes. Also: tell me your oven lies. I will empathize.

Questions you probably have (and some I asked myself at 2 a.m.)

Can I make these ahead of time? +

Yes-ish. You can assemble and refrigerate for a few hours, maybe up to a day. Bake straight from the fridge but add a couple minutes. If you freeze them, thaw in the fridge first. I have frozen them and then pretended like I was clever.

Can I use store-bought garlic butter? +

Absolutely. I buy it when I’m tired and holding a toddler (or a laptop). Fresh garlic butter is obviously better but the store kind is not a betrayal; it’s a life hack.

What if my rollups fall apart? +

They can be glued with more melted garlic butter before baking or pressed gently so the seam faces down. If a piece unravels while baking, scoop it back together with a spatula — kitchen surgery!

Are these kid-friendly? +

Yes. Kids love them. So do tired adults. Maybe add a tiny side of marinara for dipping if someone needs a vegetable-themed delusion.

Can I add extras like pepperoni or veggies? +

You can but don’t go feral — thin slices only. Too much filling = structural betrayal. Also, skip pork if you’re avoiding it (you’re smart).

I love how food can be serious and ridiculous at the same time. This recipe lives at that intersection — sincere comfort with a side of chaos. If you make these and call them dinner for six, I will both clap and judge your portion control. If you burn one, that’s fine. If you nail it, photograph it like you deserve followers. And if you start hoarding garlic butter in your fridge, same.

Daily Calorie Needs Calculator

Quick little tool if you’re counting (or curious about what “just one” rollup actually costs you):